At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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