Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
