i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
