I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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