i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
