I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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