An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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