tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
