You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
