that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
