got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
