im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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