Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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