she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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