no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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