gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
