Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
