yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
