We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
