I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's get the cat blown out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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