i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
