I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
