You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Ketchup is God's man juice
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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