We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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