you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We don't watch enough power rangers
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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