Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
