yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
that is very illegal...i love you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
