You were right. It hurts to walk today.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
