The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
