You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
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