...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
