Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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