im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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