I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
