no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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