we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
