Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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