the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
