Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
