I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Damn victory sex feels great
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
