found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
