Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
