how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
