i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We are two peas in an std pod
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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