no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
