Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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