have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
