So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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