Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
