Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
